Forgive and Forget?

Vick, "I deserve a second chance. See...one, two."

Michael Vick used his property as the main staging area for housing and training the pit bulls involved in the dogfighting venture. Vick "executed approximately eight dogs that did not perform well in 'testing' sessions by various methods, including hanging, drowning and/or slamming at least one dog's body to the ground.”

Three years later, the Eagles will pay him $100 million dollars.

The four million dollar apology.

Kobe Bryant was charged with a single count of felony sexual assault against a 19-year-old woman at an exclusive spa where he was staying when he came to Colorado for knee surgery in the summer of 2003. If convicted, he faced four years to life in prison or 20 years to life on probation, and a fine of up to $750,000.

Kobe’s latest contract? Three years, $90 million.

Criminal and fashion disaster.

Mike Tyson was convicted of raping Desiree Washington at the Miss Black America pageant in 1991.

Mike Tyson's career earnings estimated at $400 million. Most recently, he was cheered for his comedy stylings in The Hangover.

Should we be so quick to forgive and forget? Sports (especially when accompanied by a cool beverage) provides us with a temporary escape from reality, but when our athletes “break bad,” our respite from the day-to-day responsibilities and worries is jarringly halted.

Let’s not forget that these guys are getting paid millions of dollars to live out the dream that we all had crushed around sophomore year. If for no other reason, respect us, the humbled athletes. Play your game. Make your millions. Stay out of trouble. Is it too much to ask that you appreciate the amazing opportunity, the adulation, the endorsements? Is it too much to ask that you spend your money with semi-reckless abandon? Is it too much to ask that you carry a second cell phone? 

If the athlete’s answer is “Yes. It is too much to ask.” Or “Yeh. It’s too much to axe.” Then we as fans have a responsibility to make them pay.

My advice. Draft Vick no earlier than the 3rd round in your fantasy draft. Don’t root for Kobe until the playoffs. Watch The Hangover twice and skip the sequel.

Every escape has it’s price, and sadly, I guess I’m still willing to pay.

Cleaning Up Sports

Texas Ranger officials posted the following on their message board at a recent game:

"Doing the wave will, yes, will cause tears to the suprarapinatus muscle and the infraspinatus muscle from the throwing of arms rapidly into the air. In addition, any children doing the wave will be sold to the circus."

One fan was overheard saying, “If I can make a few bucks selling my kids, perhaps I can afford to buy a beer in this place.”

At Sports Carnage, we're not losing any sleep over the possible wave ban. But there's plenty of sports stuff that pisses us off, like the fact, that on average, we have to dig like archaeologists to secure 4 1/2 peanuts per box of Cracker Jacks. And don't get us started about those shitty prizes.

We've compiled a list of things that should be banned in sports immediately to make the world a better place:

10. Women sideline reporters (with the exception of Erin Andrews)

The Rule

The Exception

9. Michael Jordan’s silly Hitler mustache.

Did he lose a bet?

8. Alternating possessions in basketball

7. Guys playing for one more paycheck. (Joe  Montana as a Chief. Joe Namath as a Ram. Michael Jordan as a Wizard. Jerry Rice as a Seahawk, Muhammad Ali (Note: Ali finished his career with a 56-5 record, but three of his five losses came in his final four fights.)

In 8 games with the Jets prior to going to the
Rams, Namath threw 4 TDs and 16 INTs.

6. The extra week between the NFL division championships and the Super Bowl.

5. Baseball managers in uniform. (What if NBA coaches had to wear the same uniforms as their players?)

Utah Jazz coach Frank Layden

4. Fairway bunkers (It’s a personal problem.)

3. Brett Farve comeback stories

2. Sports anthem “We will...We will... Rock you.” (It's going to stay with you all day now. Ha!)

1. About a hundred or so of baseball’s 162 game season.

Just a Hunch

The Randy Moss retirement is temporary.

Prior history speaks volumes to establishing a very predictable pattern of taking some time off.

Exhibit A: Raiders
Exhibit B: Tennessee Titans
Exhibit C: Second Tour with Minnesota Vikings
Exhibit D: 50 % of his routes

One Less Thing to Worry About

Okay, at least we don’t have to worry about Kobe switching sports anytime soon.

And they say basketball players are the world’s greatest athletes. Hmm.