Cleaning Up Sports

Texas Ranger officials posted the following on their message board at a recent game:

"Doing the wave will, yes, will cause tears to the suprarapinatus muscle and the infraspinatus muscle from the throwing of arms rapidly into the air. In addition, any children doing the wave will be sold to the circus."

One fan was overheard saying, “If I can make a few bucks selling my kids, perhaps I can afford to buy a beer in this place.”

At Sports Carnage, we're not losing any sleep over the possible wave ban. But there's plenty of sports stuff that pisses us off, like the fact, that on average, we have to dig like archaeologists to secure 4 1/2 peanuts per box of Cracker Jacks. And don't get us started about those shitty prizes.

We've compiled a list of things that should be banned in sports immediately to make the world a better place:

10. Women sideline reporters (with the exception of Erin Andrews)

The Rule

The Exception

9. Michael Jordan’s silly Hitler mustache.

Did he lose a bet?

8. Alternating possessions in basketball

7. Guys playing for one more paycheck. (Joe  Montana as a Chief. Joe Namath as a Ram. Michael Jordan as a Wizard. Jerry Rice as a Seahawk, Muhammad Ali (Note: Ali finished his career with a 56-5 record, but three of his five losses came in his final four fights.)

In 8 games with the Jets prior to going to the
Rams, Namath threw 4 TDs and 16 INTs.

6. The extra week between the NFL division championships and the Super Bowl.

5. Baseball managers in uniform. (What if NBA coaches had to wear the same uniforms as their players?)

Utah Jazz coach Frank Layden

4. Fairway bunkers (It’s a personal problem.)

3. Brett Farve comeback stories

2. Sports anthem “We will...We will... Rock you.” (It's going to stay with you all day now. Ha!)

1. About a hundred or so of baseball’s 162 game season.